I Am A Very Patient Person, Until I Am Not

One of my professors in Grad School would use the framework of this statement often, to encourage us to find grace in moments when we are not the best versions of ourselves.  To be humbled by experiences when we neglect our values and make a decision that does not always represent what we truly believe. This could not be any more fitting than to represent the last couple of weeks.  I am a very patient person, I value patience, I have been complimented on my patience and I take pride in this ability.  I can wait in line for hours, in a waiting room, or for a visitor.  But the last couple weeks have been a very real test of my patience and I continuously fail, nearly every day. 

People warn you of how long and awful the last month of your pregnancy will be, but I have found like with most experiences related to pregnancy it is not something you can actually fathom until you are in it. I continued to be in denial of this up until about December 23rd.  I was sick for a few weeks with the flu, then the stomach flu, and a cold, so being just pregnant was a relief once the other ailments subsided.  I had been hoping for a Christmas Baby, I knew it was a long shot that he would arrive a little over a week early, but I couldn't help it.  Of course Christmas came and went, and that began the countdown to the actual due date, January 3rd, and I was sure he would be on time!  Just certain!  Here we are 3 days after and still no lilbabykins!  I find myself crying daily, for one reason or another....because I don't want to get out of bed to pee AGAIN, because I am tired, cranky and GIGANTIC, because I just want to meet him SOOOOO badly, because every time I call someone they think something is happening....the reasons to cry at this point in my life are endless!

Which brings me back to my original statement, I am a very patient person, until I am not.  I am tired of waiting, and honestly I just don't feel like waiting any longer.  I am too excited to be patient!  Every night is a major let down, as I go to bed, another day has come and gone and still no little bundle of joy.  Gentle reminders of, "how close I am to the end," are not comforting.  Because unless I go into labor the insist that sentiment comes out of someone's mouth, it is still too long!  So, I am giving myself grace, and allowing myself for the time being to let go of my patience, one day it will return.